My Co Parenting Story.
September 23rd, 2017 I found out I was pregnant by my ex boyfriend of four years. We had decided at the beginning of that year we would part ways. The summer of 2017 I met a guy who took my worries and mind off of my soul tie with my former boyfriend. I cant honestly say why he and I ended and how I hooked up with my ex again but it happened. I am not sure why I felt as though we belonged to one another and why I didn’t see anything wrong with opening up that door to more sin, toxic behavior, and a deeper tie.
The Initial Response. Late Saturday night after taking a test from a dollar tree I purchased earlier that day those red lines did not hesitate to show. They read straight thru, INSTANTLY. I fell to my knees and held my stomach. Once I gathered myself I called my ex boyfriend to make him aware. He told me he would call back, but never did. Sunday morning I woke up and got ready for church with this secret in my stomach. I felt guilty but the DAMAGE WAS ALREADY DONE. When we had our first doctors appointment he made it clear we would not be together and even a concern of if the child was his. Little did I know that after telling his mother who was my leader at the time, they would master mind a parenting plan without me. There were a lot of plans made without me but I didn’t let that stop me from hoping that my ex boyfriend and I would somehow get our “stuff” together and create our own parenting journey.
the pregnancy. I honestly do not know how I made it thru it. My pregnancy was one I will never forget. I have never known a group of people to be more envious, greedy, and selfish. I didn’t get any “check in’s”, but I did get gone off on A LOT for the decisions I made to protect my unborn child and myself. Finding out I was having a boy only made matters worse. But I made it through and its only because of the grace of God.
May 29th, 2018 I gave birth to a seven pound baby boy who looked exactly like his dad. He was a very mellow and calm baby.
okay, Now Co Parenting! I was served with a order from the court on December 13th, 2018 while at work. Unfortunately I COULD believe that this was happening. My court experience was okay. I mean I did everything I needed to do in the time frame I needed to do it in. I believe we had two meetings and two court visits. Though the other party was not always right even on paper I still showed the type of grace I would have wanted to be shown. I sowed peace even when everything was chaotic around me. There were times when petty arguments would come up and I knew it was only because of the court case. There were different words and things used to attempt to demolish my grace as a mother. There were really smooth times though, where we actually agreed but that was short lived.
one year post. It has been an entire year since I closed my folder on the documents needed to support my reasoning. I have learned a ton of things, but the most important would be to always support your reason STILL. Here’s why. People are ruthless. Specifically hurt people who are not where they want to be in life. It is hard enough trying to work with someone who has a different view of life than you and life because of different morals and values. You have to make it make sense. LEAVE YOUR FEELINGS OUT OF IT. This is not about you, or him, her or you but about your blessing/blessings. You don’t want to strain a journey that is meant to grow, mature, and help you reach mountains you never thought you would reach by always basing everything off of how you feel. Now I understand every situation is different BUT it is not NEW. Here is my next point: YOU WILL NEVER BE PERFECT. Just last night I made the mistake of falling asleep and missing a “I am outside” text. SO my baby doesn’t get to go to a party today, but I cant be remorseful about things like this as mother. The root behind a parenting problem is CONTROL. I used to be so controlling, until something clicked to me one day. I was wasting so much time being worried, tired, and consumed with other issues that were not a thought to anyone else. No, co parenting is not ideal but it doesn’t have to kill you either.
I know it is hard. Your babies are yours to keep safe and out of harms way ALL THE TIME. I get it. If you know me, I would go thru burning hot grease for mine without question. But as a parent with a little sense, I have had to ask myself a million times, is it really worth it? Is it worth the hassle, the stress, the heartache, the rejection, the pain, the let down? Most times it is not. We as parents have to make rational decisions that will be more beneficial to our children. Being the peacemaker does not make you a punk. Your child will love both parents and if one parent is wrong God will show them over time. Pray for your child’s other parent. FAITHFULLY. Let go of the image of what it should look like. My son’s dad is much different from me. Like night and day. But instead of conforming to his way and projecting my way on him I don’t worry about what it looks like. This is our/my reality. I will always be me and he will always be him, and God knows this.
I pray that this helps someone. There will be more on this subject. I am not an expert but as I gain wisdom from God I will share.
