in.secure.in.me
When I consulted God on what I should publish next, the word insecurity is what I heard. I am not going to lie, this is not a easy subject to talk about for me, as insecurities have held me one time or another. But, as I sat in my virtual counseling session last night, I was quickly reminded that I am indeed further than I have ever been.
In my first blog I told you that I was engaged to a man sent from God himself. And yes, I meant that! My <man> is amazing. But if I can be transparent with you, falling in love with him only exposed how insecure I was in myself in certain areas that I had not dealt with. Ultimately our relationship began to decline gradually because I started to project them, ON HIM.
In.Secure.In.Me is how I dissect this word. It makes sense (to me). When there is a insecurity present, there is a negative inward approach, void, or dissatisfaction on the inside of ME. They come to hold you back, distract you, and sabotage you. They present themselves at the most unpleasant and inconvenient times. They will literally eat you alive if you let them.
Recently my fiance and I hit a major bump in our road. I texted him on a day where I knew he couldn’t be of assistance to me due to his career. Him being the man he is still managed to figure something out, MILES AWAY. I was foolish and suggested something completely out of range, and after all disrespectful to him. My statement made him feel of no use and he was hurt, as it would have hurt anyone. Why am I sharing this? Because I allowed a insecurity to jeopardize my relationship. I wanted him to profess his love and assure me he cared about my life. When in all actuality all I had to do was tell him how I was internally feeling, or better yet just asking him “Hey, do you love me today because you seem distant” (which by the way, was not the case at all, he just really was focused on something more productive and it required a little bit more of his attention that day). When he initially made the statement “you cant project your insecurities on me” I rolled my eyes on the other end of the phone because I did not see it that way. It was not until I talked to my older sister and one of his close friends who stated the same exact thing that I was facing a dangerous problem. Because I knew the facts! I knew cared and loved me, and would do anything in his power to change our situation at that time.
There are a few things I want to highlight about insecurities we fail to mention when we talk about them. Insecurities are deceptive. The mindset is designed to make you overly anxious and if you aren’t careful they will control you. They are blinding. Insecurities will make you see things in negative way, that perhaps God wants to use, and confidently set you apart from the next person. I know I require a little more love than the average woman, and I also need to hear it so God sent a man who does not mind gassing me up around whoever, whenever. And on the flip side, I love people like crazy and I reap benefits from the love I sown So if I know this for a fact, why would I believe I am crazy and hard to love? Insecurities are manageable. There is a healthy way to express your concerns about yourself. The incorrect way is drowning yourself in “I wishes”! There is a level of trust in God you must maintain indefinitely that he knew and knows whats best for you. Rather it is a physical, emotional, or even spiritual insecurity. Walk with your head held high, and confidence knowing, that you are worthy of receiving every good thing that God has for you regardless of how you feel about yourself. And better yet, stop taking so much time thinking about what’s wrong with you!
Lastly, insecurities will reveal how much you know and are content with yourself. They show how much time you have really took to discover who you are and where you are going. They reveal what really lies in your heart and mind and how comfortable you are with cradling those things that mean you no good. Be free! God’s desire is for you to fully accept who he has created you to be and be bold enough to share his light with others. He needs you confident. He needs you clear minded and and full of kindness. We treat others how we feel about ourselves. Always keep that in mind. When you feel a insecurity rising, ask yourself: Is the way I will respond to my dissatisfaction a reflection of who I truly know I am? Or is this feeling of incompetence here to distract me from breaking a barrier I have been trying to for “forever”?
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